Saturday, 10 February 2018

It's been a Long Time and a Helluva Ride!

Hello, :>D  To anyone who is wondering what happened to me. I've been through a huge upheaval in my life and was in such a bad place that I just could not dredge up any enthusiasm to draw or to write. I don't know if any of you have been there, the place where you just want to hide in your room under the duvet and never ever have to come out again! The place where people look at you and seem to be thinking, get a grip man, what's the matter with you, you're stronger than this..... maybe they weren't thinking that, maybe that's what I thought they were thinking..... I don't know. All I do know is that I was broken......... into tiny little pieces ......... and it's taken me this long to even consider coming back here. I'm not sure that I'm altogether again just yet but I do know that I'm on my way out of the pit, this deep dark hole where the light at the top had disappeared but then became a tiny pinprick, then disappeared again but is now getting bigger and actually growing a little each day.

I found that by helping others it helped me find self worth again, helped me believe that I wasn't useless, worthless or ugly. Maybe ugly isn't the word I need here, ummm I think probably unattractive is more like it, because when you're told, out of the blue after ten years together, that you should leave because "I don't love you." What freaked me out was the missing 'anymore' at the end of that sentence. I began to wonder if I had ever been loved or was I just handy to have around? I was in such pain I went inside myself and existed on autopilot.
People offered to help, but got frustrated with me. They would, after a month or two, wash their hands of me and want me far away from them. Even close family weren't immune to this. I never used drugs of alcohol to drown my feeling of inadequacy. I tried to eat healthily, take walks, volunteered at the local thrift shop, and just make it through each day, barely managing to exist. I was pushed from one place to the next, not really wanted anywhere. Couldn't work due to visa restrictions, couldn't leave the country because my passport had expired and because it's Zimbabwean, it was almost impossible to renew outside the country. I eventually managed to get one.. but it cost me more than $600 to do it, money I had to borrow, not knowing when I could pay it back.

So that's it in short. I'm now living and working in the UK, due to my grandparents having been born here, and slowly finding myself again. I work as a carer to old folks and in my spare time I have started drawing again. I've paid my debts, bought an old skedonk of a car that has been amazingly good to me. I've managed to persuade my parents to move to the UK and they live with me now, which is awesome!

I wanted to show you what I've been doing lately.. I've started designing and entering Spoonflower contests again and these designs are what I'll be showing you all here.

Oh yes, I had to change my studio name from Art on Fabric to House of Heasman because some yoyo in Australia decided that Art on Fabric was a cool name and she registered it there so forcing me to change my shops names. :>P So now you'll find me under Pallet of Sylvie Heasman( PoSH) hehe on Woven Monkey and Print Me PrettyHouse of Heasman on Spoonflower, Zazzle and Society6. For some strange reason I couldn't use PoSH in the USA :>P

So I'm going to go back a few months of artwork and start there. Each post will show new work.

You'll have to click on the link under each picture to see it in fabric form... Thanks :>D

This is a cushion cover front which can be found on Spoonflower and Roostery. You can see it on Roostery by clicking on the cushion picture when you're on Spoonflower.
Framed Hawaiian Sunset
Hawaiian Sunset Seamless fabric design
Sundowner or Cocktail Time in Hawaii
This last one was entered into a Hawaiian contest on Spoonflower.. didn't do too well.. but that's okay.
Hawaii Design on Woven Monkey UK
Hawaiian Design on Print me Pretty UK

Have a fabulous weekend everyone.. <3 <3

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